Intention and Tone: Rewriting Emotional Habits in Quarantine

In my entire life, I’ve never experienced what you would imagine to be a successful relationship. I’m a hopeless romantic, but by no means do I think a successful relationship looks anything like a story book or a rom-com. My emotional hangups, weaknesses or literal ignorance, have just always put my partners’ in a place of immense difficulty.

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash
  • Second, Distancing. I create space between me and my problems in matters of love. Remember when I mentioned I’m conflict averse? Running from the problem allows me time to “regroup” so I can come back to the table with some sort of game plan to make it go away without having to actually fix myself or cop to the accusation.
Photo by Adam Jang on Unsplash
  • Resistance. The older you get, the more personality traits and behaviors blend together and help you convince yourself that the Core Me is the right Core Me. “I’ve been doing this for 20 years, nobody else has any problem with it, what’s your problem?” “This is important to who I am.” A brief moment of introspection would tell us being an unflinching, unwavering partner isn’t even close to a personality trait that’s important. Nor is polling the existential room of imaginary friends. Your partner has a problem, isn’t that enough?
  • Catalyst. Many of us are barreling through life on inertia and a quarter tank of gas. The combination of the points above creates enough rocket fuel to produce enough forward momentum of habitual personality traits that you’d be hard-pressed to find a strong enough equal and opposite force (reaction) to divert our path onto a more healthy trajectory. I’ve had to experience years and years of teary eyes, depressive moods, and powder keg bouts to even flinch. It turns out, the biggest catalyst is sometimes the threat of losing it all.

I’m a fashion photographer, podcast host, and educator. I shoot for brands, teach on Skillshare, and host Freelance Kills.

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